your loss

You are the epitome of a fool to miss out on so much life in your son.  You do realise one day he will come to light and your family and everyone you tried to hide him from would know and on that day your true monstrous side will be clear for all to see.  How shamefully shameless you are.  Missing out on his cutest days.  His personality and speech are forming so brightly that he easily brings joy to anyone he is around.  You miss out on laughs a million, the pride that comes in seeing him light up the world around him, watching his inquisitive mind growing.  You miss out on watching his childhood and you miss out on playing an important part of his growth to manhood.  He is your loss and I soooo hate you for it.

........thinking of you daily

I don't crave you the way I used to; I know I can be with another man now but I don't care to seek your replacement.  I know you so well it makes me feel like a fool to actually love such a jerk. Putting a ring on someone else four days after walking out on your family.  What a piece of work.  Ultimate disrespect and slap to the face.  When I think of that I think good job you have a hard time, but I promise your hard time will never equal the pain you rained on me....... T.T
You really are a true mindless fool chasing shooting stars all the while losing the world and the moon.  Carry on..........

Just a baby

My thoughts are with you far too often.  I know you are undeserving, still I cannot stop.
I think far and deep and shallow in dark and light.  You are lost to me but I am keeping you, why?
I can't let you fall away.
I know you're in the dark and I cannot leave you alone.  I am far from you by your choice and still you are keeping me with you.
I could break away but then who will have you?.
Your family are able to disown you; how can you feel safe? you fear the woman you chose to marry would leave you if she knew who you are.  How is that a marriage?
I worry for you.  I worry for your soul. I worry for your mind.  I worry for your heart.
I think I can see your brokenness better than you; but I cannot heal it.
 
I'm sorry for your pain.  The pain you feel because your a baby.  A silly baby who remembers every little pain.
In the beginning of our relationship we both did the wrong things!  I should never have let you kiss me.  When we went to that lookout and I cried in the car I should never have let us go there.
From the beginning we set ourselves up for disaster.  I let you do too much and have your way then when I tried to pull back you got hurt.
You carried that hurt, and the next hurt, and the next hurt.  When I yelled at you for hitting the girl, when I forgot things, when I told you to stop saying 'I love you', every little pain.  
You made sure to keep those pains, remember the hurt and disconnect from my eyes.
Now where are your eyes?  Your eyes are everywhere, no focus like a baby.

You kept pain but forgot one thing;
You forgot me.  Who I am.
The whole person.  My heart, my goodness, my faith, my love.

You remembered every dumb thing but you forgot me.

You became so blind you could not see this faithful lover who was at your side, challenging you, standing with you despite your betrayals.  Yes you betrayed me many times before you put a ring on it.  Even the ring turned out to be a betrayal.  Did I hold things against you? no.  That is love.  Love keeps no records of wrongs.  
 
I knew you just had no patience for me from the beginning but I mistook your passion for love.
I couldn't admit it.
You never loved me.

You are incapable of love.
You carry too much pain and there is no room left inside for anything else. Only pain can fit.

I'm sure you have some good memories of us but they equal to nothing.  The first and only innocent boy you brought into this world couldn't keep you.  There is a sickness in you.  You are truly sick at that point.  You can compare yourself to all the idiots of the world it wouldn't matter because shit against shit is still shit.

Only God can help you ..... but still you would even turn from him
You are like a baby, don't know anything.

Just because........

I'm writing because I can..... 
Because it may help you...... 
Because it may help me!!!

We had a good run and there are many learned things to carry with us whilst we also try our very best to forget!!

I can walk on free and open but I know you cannot.
So this is mostly for you aswell as possibly getting things off my own chest.

You can read or not, whatever you choose is up to you.

You know you can talk to me about anything if you need, like a true fool I will be here always wanting you to be ok.  

Even though you can be a hurtful, spiteful man.  I know your core, your secret centre that even you will not submit too.  The inner man that God made, the strength you suffocate, the goodness you refuse to fruit.  

It's easier to live in shadows.  It's easier to be who people want you to be.  Yet in reality it is NOT easier and it is that inner strength you suffocate that pulls you to survive.  

There comes a time for a man to put down his childish ways and take up what God has equipped him for.  When you decide that time has arrived you must surrender to him in order to receive what he has for you.  Be V.  Do right.