Just a baby

My thoughts are with you far too often.  I know you are undeserving, still I cannot stop.
I think far and deep and shallow in dark and light.  You are lost to me but I am keeping you, why?
I can't let you fall away.
I know you're in the dark and I cannot leave you alone.  I am far from you by your choice and still you are keeping me with you.
I could break away but then who will have you?.
Your family are able to disown you; how can you feel safe? you fear the woman you chose to marry would leave you if she knew who you are.  How is that a marriage?
I worry for you.  I worry for your soul. I worry for your mind.  I worry for your heart.
I think I can see your brokenness better than you; but I cannot heal it.
 
I'm sorry for your pain.  The pain you feel because your a baby.  A silly baby who remembers every little pain.
In the beginning of our relationship we both did the wrong things!  I should never have let you kiss me.  When we went to that lookout and I cried in the car I should never have let us go there.
From the beginning we set ourselves up for disaster.  I let you do too much and have your way then when I tried to pull back you got hurt.
You carried that hurt, and the next hurt, and the next hurt.  When I yelled at you for hitting the girl, when I forgot things, when I told you to stop saying 'I love you', every little pain.  
You made sure to keep those pains, remember the hurt and disconnect from my eyes.
Now where are your eyes?  Your eyes are everywhere, no focus like a baby.

You kept pain but forgot one thing;
You forgot me.  Who I am.
The whole person.  My heart, my goodness, my faith, my love.

You remembered every dumb thing but you forgot me.

You became so blind you could not see this faithful lover who was at your side, challenging you, standing with you despite your betrayals.  Yes you betrayed me many times before you put a ring on it.  Even the ring turned out to be a betrayal.  Did I hold things against you? no.  That is love.  Love keeps no records of wrongs.  
 
I knew you just had no patience for me from the beginning but I mistook your passion for love.
I couldn't admit it.
You never loved me.

You are incapable of love.
You carry too much pain and there is no room left inside for anything else. Only pain can fit.

I'm sure you have some good memories of us but they equal to nothing.  The first and only innocent boy you brought into this world couldn't keep you.  There is a sickness in you.  You are truly sick at that point.  You can compare yourself to all the idiots of the world it wouldn't matter because shit against shit is still shit.

Only God can help you ..... but still you would even turn from him
You are like a baby, don't know anything.